Wednesday, April 05, 2006

THE conversation

I found out yesterday that it is possible for me to graduate next May so that's what I'm now shooting for. It will be hard work but it is possible so I WILL do it. I've already begun looking for jobs with the assumption that my man would be following me to this perfect postdoc. I find out last night that when asked by his parents if we had discussed marriage, that he thinks we have to wait and see what happens AFTER I graduate. Um... decision was already made to move in together in a few months and NOW, NOW, he decides WE are contingent on 'things'. OKay... not to mention that we were almost signing a loan to buy a townhouse! After many tears and a very strange discussion about him not want to drop everything and follow me, it appears as though man wants to make the decision based on where he finds his perfect job and in a place he prefers. His career is a million times more versitile than mine and my perfect postdoc is not likely going to be in place he chooses.

When hanging up the phone last night he understood that the move wasn't ever intended to be a decision I made on my own and forced him to agree with. He agreed to let me apply for anything and then we would consider placement and what I liked the best later. However, my ever over-analyzing brain tells me this problem is more deeply rooted then 'him following me somewhere'. I've evidently been 'pressuring' him to get married when the only things I've ever said about it (besides our heart to hearts) was when I SUFFERED through the weekend with my engaged/married friends when I went home for my best friends bridal shower (wedding in which I am the maid of honor and also only unmarriend participant). But apparently his freaking out about it is different than mine...because mine is pressure.


At 10:50 AM, Blogger post-doc said...

There have been a few times where I was profoundly grateful to be single. During the job search process was one of them.

That's not so supportive of your situation though, is it? :) So, OK. I think that in most of my relationships, there are a few moments when I said, "Is this worth it for me?" So kind of like the list you made in the post before this one - is it more happiness than ick? I want the man who can make me unreservedly say, "Of course it's worth it! I love him!"

If you have that, my very romantic heart tells me that things will work out. But I know it's miserably hard sometimes and very much hope things are better now for you. Yet another difficulty of higher education, right? Hang in there.

Oh, and congratulations on finishing in May! That's terribly exciting news, right?


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